Master Your Mindset: Seven Steps To Taking Control Of Negative Thinking

In our modern world, where stress and challenges seem to lurk around every corner, understanding the intricate workings of our minds is key to improving our mental health and wellbeing. 

When dealing with challenges, setbacks or upset particularly when they arise from someone we hold dear, it can set off a chain reaction of negative thoughts. Just like putting out a fire requires a change in approach, by actively choosing to think positive thoughts, you can extinguish the cycle of negativity leading to a more renewed sense of empowerment over your thoughts and emotions. 

So how can you stop your thoughts from having you? This article explores seven practical steps to help you master your mind and regain control over your thoughts, how releasing anger eased migraines symptoms followed by a powerful story on how our thoughts can influence our physical health and emotional well-being.

Understanding the inner workings of the subconscious mind 

Firstly, let us explore the inner workings of the mind, including our thoughts, emotions, and the subconscious mind. As a life coach and hypnotherapist, it is important for us to validate our feelings when we are upset, to recognise and acknowledge the emotion that is present within us. Furthermore, it is equally important to recognise when we are dwelling in that hurt for too long, allowing it to erode our peace of mind and wellbeing. When clients come to see me for help, it is often because they have been holding onto negative emotions for so long that it weighs heavy on their shoulders. 

My role is to help them release those emotions and once released the tears begin to flow. Unlike the conscious mind, the subconscious mind does not operate on logic, instead it is all pure feelings based on past experiences and beliefs. Studies show up to 90% to 95% of our world is controlled by our subconscious. It stores memories, habits and patterns accumulated overtime which influences our behaviours and the way we see the world.

Holding onto negative emotions over time can have a profound impact, not only on our mental wellbeing but also on our physical health. These trapped emotions can manifest in different ways, causing our organs to go on a bit of a weeping spree. One of my favourite quotes from my teacher and trainer Marisa Peer is “the feeling that cannot find its expression in tears will cause other organs to weep.” 

During a session, these emotions often surface for release and repatterining. During one session, a lady who had been suffering frequently with migraines experienced a significant breakthrough during a session with me. As we explored her emotions, a deep well of anger surfaced. When I asked her to pinpoint where she felt the anger, she felt it rising in her head, where her migraines often manifested. Through a process of forgiveness work, I guided her through a visual conversation with the individual who had caused her pain. 

The remarkable thing about the subconscious mind is that it is unable to differentiate between what is imagined and what is real. When your favourite team is on the brink of victory, you can feel the excitement building up inside you. You are on the edge of your seat, immersed in the moment. This intense emotional response is driven by your subconscious mind, which thinks you are physically present in the game, rather than just watching it on a screen. Your subconscious responds to the mental images and emotions you create as if they are happening for real. 

Just like imagining eating a lemon can make you cringe at the thought of its bitterness, our subconscious mind can have a powerful impact on our bodies when we have unhelpful thoughts. When we dwell on negative or stressful thoughts, our subconscious responds as if these scenarios are happening for real. When we fill our minds with kind and positive thoughts, they have the power to uplift our spirts, improve our mood, and create a more optimistic outlook on life.

It comes down to another one of my favourite sayings by Marisa Peer “Whatever you focus on we get more of.’ If you concentrate on the negatives, you tend to attract more negativity into your life. Whether it be a splinter in our finger if we concentrate on the pain, it can feel magnified tenfold, intensifying our discomfort. If we think about somethings that distracts us, like solving a simple math problem such as 10 +16 -11, our focus becomes absorbed in that task causing us to forget about that annoying splinter. 

So why is it easier for us to get caught up in that negative spiral of thinking? 

One universal explanation is that our minds are naturally wired to focus on the negatives as a survival mechanism from our ancestral past when we needed to be on constant alert for potential threats and predators. When we have a good day and encounter something negative, it is often easier to fixate on that one bad thing rather than remembering all the other positive experiences we had earlier. When we encounter something negative, we tend to magnify and filter out all the negative aspects of their behaviours or past feelings. What begins as a reaction to a specific event can quickly turn into a snowball of grievances. 

Great news is it does not have to be this way, by understanding how the mind works is one solution on how to combat negative thinking. By helping my client to release that bottled up anger and pain which was unresolved feeling of hurt, she experienced a profound shift in her energy. She told me that her headaches have become less frequent since she started working with me. This story stands as a testimonial on how our emotional wellbeing can affect our physical issues. It serves as an important reminder on the power of addressing our inner struggles and letting go of emotional burdens that no longer serve us to promote healing and well-being. 

So how can we put a lid on those negative thoughts while honouring our emotions when life throws a curveball. 

Here are seven steps that can help you regain control over your thoughts!

Step 1: Self-awareness

I often tell my clients that thoughts are like clouds drifting across the sky, slowly dissipating into the distance. Similarly with your thoughts you can learn to observe them without becoming attached. Capture these thoughts on paper, if they are emotions, acknowledge and name the emotion. For example, if you are feeling anxious or frustrated, it is important to acknowledge how you are feeling and accept it is perfectly ok to feel that way. Remember, fears exist to protect you. Our minds are wired to ensure our survival. Understanding your thought patterns is the first step towards creating positive change. 

Step 2: Challenge those negative thoughts!

When you catch yourself thinking negatively, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself is there evidence to support these thoughts, or are they based on assumptions or past experiences. Ask yourself:

• Is this thought true?

• Is this happening now? 

• Will I let it happen? 

In many cases the answer to these questions is a reassuring no. Asking these questions empowers my clients by helping them gain perspective and a sense of relief that negative thoughts and fears often stem from imagined scenarios that are unlikely to pass. According to statistics, 85% of what we worry about never actually materialises. By acknowledging this fact, individuals can begin to let go of unnecessary worry and focus their energy on things that matter. 

Step 3: Allow yourself to fully experience the emotion until there is nothing left to feel. 

One powerful approach I strongly encourage my clients to do is to sit with our feelings, to allow ourselves to fully experience and process them until they naturally dissipate. It is important to acknowledge the fears and anxieties that may arise. These emotions often surface to protect and alert you to potential dangers and to keep you safe. In these moments you can gently address these feelings by saying, “Thank you for trying to protect me. I acknowledge you, and I appreciate your intention on keeping me safe.” Then reassure yourself by affirming, “I’ve got this. I know I will be ok. I am strong, resilient, and capable of handling whatever comes my way.” By acknowledging our emotions without judgment or resistance, we create space for healing by letting it go. 

Step 4: Positive affirmation swap.

Another effective strategy is to consciously replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations or inspiring quotes. When a negative thought arises, actively replace it with a positive and uplifting affirmation such as transforming “I am not enough” to “I am enough just as I am” to reframe your mindset and cultivate a more positive outlook. Neuroscience studies suggest the more you practice this positive affirmation swap, the more it will form a new belief system, leading the old beliefs to slowly melt away. An inspiring quote of mine which I often refer to is one by the legendary Audrey Hepburn “Nothing is impossible, the world itself says I’m possible.” By repeating this exercise, you can reprogram your mind to cultivate more positive and empowering beliefs. 

Step 5: Practice self-compassion, installing your own cheerleader!

When we practice self-compassion, we treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a dear friend facing a challenging situation. By acknowledging our struggles and imperfections without judgment, we can soften the harsh inner critic voice that is all too familiar, by replacing it with words of self-love and acceptance. Or as Marisa Peer quotes “Installing the cheerleader.” Imagine having your own cheerleader, someone who is always in your corner, rooting for you, and believing in your potential. Now, what if that cheerleader was you? When you adopt the role of your own cheerleader, you cultivate a powerful ally in nurturing positive thinking and fostering self-confidence. 

Step 6: Practice gratitude daily 

Practicing gratitude daily enables us to consciously focus on the positive aspects of our lives. An effective way to deepen our practice of gratitude is by reflecting on three things you are grateful for every day. Whether it is a kind gesture from a friend, a personal achievement or appreciating nature. Taking time to acknowledge and appreciate these moments not only keeps those negative thoughts away, but also enables us to stay grounded, focused and embrace life’s challenges with an open heart and a sense of appreciation for the journey we are on. 

Step 7 Celebrate Progress

Celebrating your progress is a powerful way to acknowledge your efforts, reinforce positive behaviours, and boost your motivation and self-confidence. Each step taken, every obstacle overcome, and each moment of growth deserves recognition and celebration. Remember to reflect on how far you have come and appreciate all the challenging work you have put in and inspire yourself to continue moving forward on your path to personal growth and wellbeing.

By implementing these strategies into your daily routine, can help you cultivate a more positive and empowered mindset, leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

Conclusion: The weight of glass 

In closing, I would like to share a story that has deeply resonated with me and serves as an important reminder of the power our thoughts hold over our physical health and emotional well-being. This story known as “The weight of Glass,” beautifully illustrates the impact of carrying our burdens and negative thoughts. 

A teacher held out a bottle of water towards her class of pupils and asked them how heavy is this glass of water? 

She replied, “The absolute weight does not matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it is not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralysed. In each case, the weight of the glass does not change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

The moral of the story is “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. The weight of our negative thoughts over time can manifest as stress, anxiety, and even physical ailments.

By acknowledging the power of our thoughts and learning to let go of negativity, we can lighten our mental load, release emotional burdens, and embrace a life filled with positivity and fulfilment. Remember, the thoughts we choose to nurture shape the quality of our lives. Choose wisely, release the heavy weight of those thoughts that are no longer serving you, throw away that bottle of water and embrace the lightness of being that comes with a positive and empowered mindset.